Samango Juice.

When am i gonna be good enough for someone?
I just want someone to tell me i’m good enough for them,for once.
When is someone gonna truly care about me?
It’s all i ask…guess it’ll never happen.

Just fuck my life. Fuck everyone and everything in it.
The drugs and alcohol made everything better and i was happy.
Since i withdrawled from doing it i’ve been super depressed and having
mood swings like crazy. I really feel as if i’m going insane. Like everything
is just crazy & unexplainable. I hate it. No matter what i do,i’m unhappy.
I don’t know what to do. My rollor coaster went farrrrrrrrrr down.

I may be in love.

It's just not enough.

I’ve realized some people just won’t ever care about you or your feelings no matter
how much effort and how much you care about them. It hurts me so much how
i care so much about one of my friend’s,but she just dosen’t even make an effort.
I’ve done so much and i’ve been there for her. She simply dosen’t do the same.
And i’m starting to think it’s a reason to isolate myself from her. I’ve always counted her as one of my best friends,but i just can’t let myself keep getting hurt.
My friend’s mean the world to me and i’d do anything for them,but not caring in
return is just something i cannot deal with. It’s the biggest thing that gets me.
I’ll be there for all my friend’s when something’s wrong or they need anything. I’ve
put her on top of my friend’s and i’ve done a lot,but there’s only so much you can do. I just can’t get it out of my head why she act’s as if she dosen’t care. I trust
her the most out of all my friends and i always have a good time hangingout with her. The not caring part is bothering me so much.

I mean for crying out loud. When i was super upset,and ran out of my house crying
wtf did she do? NOTHING. Nothing at all. Except stay in my brother’s room with
Kayla. Kayla & i aren’t even close and she came outside trying to make me feel
better. I come back in 45 mins later and she dosen’t say anything at all,& then
she leaves and dosen’t even say bye. I just don’t understand it.

Then she calls me up and asks if her grandma can drop her off,& she gets dropped
off and dosen’t even say Hi to me and walks down the street with her girlfriend.
So they can go to another neighborhood.

She dosen’t do anything to make me feel better and i hardly ever see her.
I miss the friend she use to be,even though she still didn’t care.

I really have been putting up with this for too long. I keep getting crushed
thinking that maybe someday she’ll care,but i can’t keep dwelling on it. I feel
as if it sounds as if i’m giving up,but i’ve done so much & i think i’ve done enough.
Hopefully one day she realizes this,but for now i don’t think she will. I’m offcially
done caring about people who don’t give a shit.

Someone's blog i found inspiring.

“I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people, It’s what they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slide it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you’ll see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves go farther in life. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe. I’ve learned to love and be loved.”

Times’ are ah changin’ I am changin’.
I am happy. Changed a lot. But I’m happy who i am.